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Jodie-Lee. Australian. Gay. 19. Dog Groomer

GOOD OMENS by Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett


GOOD OMENS by Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett

date posted 2 days ago , with 1,201 notes · Reblog
Tags  #i was shipping them the whole book  #and this is proof to me  




do people wear glasses during sex or is it just like you’re blind and everthing’s a surprise

you ask the real questions

glasses get in the way of makeouts, so they’re generally not worn during sex either




[smashes through your wall] ARE YOU READY FOR ANOTHER BAD POEM

[Breaks through window] ONE MORE OFF KEY ANTHEM

[knocks over a chair] LET YOUR TEETH SINK IN

date posted 2 days ago , with 2,584 notes · Reblog


do you ever feel like you’re just sort of 


like all your friends go out and do things and get into relationships and like people that like them back and have fun and do stupid things with their best friends and instead of doing all that you’re just sort of this mildly entertaining thing that people take an interest in once in a while but they wouldn’t really care if it was gone

like you just sort of exist but you don’t really mean anything

date posted 2 days ago , with 487,060 notes · Reblog
Tags  #fuck right off  #this is not what i need today  #im amazing  #my friends love me  #i swear  


take me to a museum. kiss me on the steps. shove the Mona Lisa up my ass

date posted 2 days ago , with 38,873 notes · Reblog






i think about the 3d printed spider robot dancing to salsa a lot and im not sure if it’s because of the music or if it’s because of the hypnotizing dance moves
most likely both 

this is the best thing ive ever seen in my whole life

oh my god…. i was feeling down and this absolutely 100% lifted me out of it. oh my god!!!! i love him!!!!!

I forgot about salsa robot spider!!! truly a gift from on high

this seems like it would be comic relief in some horror video game or smt

date posted 2 days ago , with 58,771 notes · Reblog
Tags  #ITS SO FUCKING CUTE  #MOVES SO WELL  #spider  #insect  #fav  #video  




what the fuck is this

what the fuck is this

what the fuck is this

(Source: senhor-gasmo)

date posted 2 days ago , with 176,681 notes · Reblog
Tags  #this is fucking amazing  #best  #fav  
date posted 2 days ago , with 129,100 notes · Reblog
Tags  #good  

Cameron Frye, this one’s for you.

(Source: donnydonowitz)

date posted 2 days ago , with 57,417 notes · Reblog




date posted 2 days ago , with 25,359 notes · Reblog
Tags  #im laughing SG HARD  

(Source: releasethedoves)

date posted 2 days ago , with 1,860 notes · Reblog

(Source: eyecandyianto)

date posted 2 days ago , with 3,835 notes · Reblog

One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.

Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love”  (via kanyequeen)

When I read #1, I thought about how my ex-husband was 22 years old and was too embarrassed to buy condoms and would make me do that job for him so I continued reading and realized everything above happened to be lessons he needs to learn himself.

(via helainetieu)

Boys, gentlemen, you, read this.

(via crispychipss)

(Source: internmarlee)

date posted 2 days ago , with 493,072 notes · Reblog
Tags  #yooooooooooooo  #im being stupid  #with feelings  #this boy knows all  


imagine your icon pulling up their blanket and accidentally punching themself in the face

date posted 3 days ago , with 27,972 notes · Reblog
Tags  #i could totally see patrick doing this  





Plot twist: The next companion is a normal girl/boy who only dies once in their lifetime and has no remarkable back story but he thinks they’re wonderful because they are human and the Doctor needs reminding that you don’t need to be a mystery to be remarkable. 

#and the doctor never has to kiss them or sexualize them at all #in fact they are not even attracted to the doctor

so basically we want Donna back


date posted 3 days ago , with 168,735 notes · Reblog